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Semi-Professional Paparazzi

You may not believe it but the paparazzi struck again.  This time a professional, well a semi-professional, he has a business card (see above.)  I met Ken walking to the subway, one morning.  Morning punctuality is not a skill I will ever lay claim to, so I was rushing as always.  I was on the home stretch and in real danger of being on time and that’s when Ken’s SUV rolled up on me.  His car pulled up right next to me, but I kept moving with my head forward giving him the sideeye to check his distance.  (No one is going to make a Lifetime movie about me.)  Ken leaned out of his window, but I kept walking without acknowledging him.  Ken slowed down some more and started yelling Hey, Hey.  I kept my pace up and refused to look directly at him.
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Bed Stuy: The Seamstress

Recently, I have had a couple of strange encounters that makes me think I may not be the only black, female, little person with a red afro in Bed Stuy.

The other night, I got off the subway and headed towards the corner grocery store.  As I  approached the store, I heard this woman frantically screaming.  This being a fairly common occurrence in Bed Stuy, I didn’t turn around right away.  But this woman just kept screaming “Miss, Miss.” “Excuse Me!!!”  Um Hellooo..Miss.”  When I finally turned around to see the crazy lady, she was right behind me and out of breath.  I realized I was the “Miss” and I had never seen this woman before in my life.  I said “Hi” and then she said, “My daughter is graduating from High School and I need a seamstress.”  My face must have said “Huh?” Cause she asked, “Aren’t you the seamstress?”  I said, “No, sorry.”  My response didn’t seem to faze her, because she continued. “I need someone to make an outfit for my daughter, we didn’t realize she was going to graduate until today. We only have two weeks.” It seemed she was under the delusion, if she pled her case well, I might agree to be her seamstress. (Like I was lying about my identity and just refusing to take her business.)  I said, “No, I’m sorry that’s not me.”  Then she said,  “I should have kept her number.  Well, I thought it was you.” Then she muttered under her breath, “There must be another one, I need the other one.”

Two days later, I ran into my elderly neighbor (persistent suitor) on my way to the subway.    He asked, “Can I drive you to work?”  I said “Oh, No Thank You.” (exaggerating how thankful I was.)  Then he said, “I have a car, I can drive you.”  “You wouldn’t have to pay for a cab.”  I said “No thanks, I’m fine, I take the subway to work.”  Then he said, “You have that store over on Fulton, it’s a quick ride.”  I said, “No, I work in the city.”  “Oh, someone told me you had  a tailoring store over on Fulton.”  “Nope, that’s not me.”

Hmmm……… Me thinks we may have another Pam situation on our hands.

Bed Stuy Indian

Bed Stuy, Brooklyn has been my home for the past two years.  It’s no longer the place that people fear.  The old neighbors that remain are amazing and the new neighbors are trying to keep the feeling of the neighborhood.  There are still drug dealers and a couple of crack whores, but by and large, it’s really a great neighborhood. The violence of before is on the decline, but some of the amazing characters have remained.

The first morning I walked to the subway, I met my friend Indian. (The neighbors call him Indian. I have no idea what his given name is.)  He’s approximately 6 foot 3 and ethnically east Indian with a Caribbean accent.  I think he’s Jamaican, but I can’t be too sure.  He’s always intoxicated, no matter what time of day.  So most of the time I can’t tell what he’s saying.  He wears hip hop clothes and is probably in his 50’s or 60’s.  I don’t know where he lives, but I know where to find him or rather he knows where to find me.  That first morning, he came running out from one of the covered porches and gave me a huge hug and kiss and said “Respect mon.”  Then he said some other stuff that was unintelligible.

At night he used to hang out with the drug dealers and was usually so drunk he could barely stand up.  The dealers tried to get him to stop hugging me.  One time, one of the dealers put himself between the two of us and said “Man, she doesn’t want you to touch her.”  He didn’t listen and went right back to hugging me the next day.  Indian has changed sides of the street and currently hangs out with the old men who drink and play cards. He still runs over to greet me with a hug.

Over the past two years Indian has danced at me, sung to me and given me advice (I’m still working on translating the advice. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.)  Once he led me into the new neighborhood restaurant and then walked out.  I was standing in the restaurant by myself with the staff staring at me like, “What do you want?”  I told them that Indian just grabbed me off the street and led me in.  They gave a knowing look and laughed.   Sometimes he waves me over to tell me something important. I have never understood anything he has said, but I have grown to really like Indian. I know I’m home when he greets me.   It’s become a thing.