Semi-Professional Paparazzi

You may not believe it but the paparazzi struck again.  This time a professional, well a semi-professional, he has a business card (see above.)  I met Ken walking to the subway, one morning.  Morning punctuality is not a skill I will ever lay claim to, so I was rushing as always.  I was on the home stretch and in real danger of being on time and that’s when Ken’s SUV rolled up on me.  His car pulled up right next to me, but I kept moving with my head forward giving him the sideeye to check his distance.  (No one is going to make a Lifetime movie about me.)  Ken leaned out of his window, but I kept walking without acknowledging him.  Ken slowed down some more and started yelling Hey, Hey.  I kept my pace up and refused to look directly at him.

In Brooklyn, when a man is hanging out of his car window, it generally means he is going to say something lewd or stupid or both.

I just kept moving without engaging, but he knew I could hear him.  He could see it in my face.  This was my mistake, I should have turned my headphones up and played deaf.

Ken: Hey, can I talk to you for a minute.

Me: No (Second mistake, never answer.)

Ken: Hey, can I take your picture.

Me: No

Ken:Listen, I am a photographer.

Me: Great

Ken You are gorgeous.

Me:Thanks

Ken: Just listen, I have never taken a picture of a midg..  ah, a short person and I would really like to take a picture of you.

Me: No Thanks.

I kept walking, but Ken pulled ahead and was now looking back at me.  I couldn’t avoid his eyes.

Ken: Wait, wait would you please!!!! I’ll give you a big professional copy framed for your living room. You can have as many copies as you want.

At this point I was side by side with him again.  I stopped and started talking to him, keeping most of the sidewalk between us. (Third mistake, never stop moving.)

Me: No thanks, I have a degree in photography, I can take my own picture.

Ken: It’s not about that. I’ll take a nice photo.  I want to do it.

Me: No thanks.

Ken: Wait, wait!

Me: I have to go to work.

Ken: Are you married?

Me: I have a boyfriend.

Ken: Well, can I give you my card and then you can call me tonight.

(I took the card because this conversation was never going to end until I did.)

Ken: Will you call me later tonight or tomorrow?

Me: Nope (I started moving again and Ken followed along in his car.)

Ken: Really

Me: Yes, I really won’t call you and I gotta go to work.  Goodbye….

I ran down the subway steps, leaving Ken hanging out his window with a dumb look on his face.  I was ten minutes late to work and that’s more time than Kim Kardashian gives to her paparazzi.  I think I need to work on my fake celebrity skills.