I haven’t been the most gracious about my new neighborhood. Most of my surliness comes from being overworked and feeling out of place. My opinion has drastically changed since I left my job and started roaming around during the middle of the day. I discovered that’s when the neighborhood comes alive.
Last week at Frank’s grocery store, I got caught in some drama. As I walked through the sliding door, I saw all the signs of a hot mess. There was an ancient woman in a woolen bonnet (average temp last week was 95 degrees) swinging a metal medical cane at the pastries on the top shelf. Pastries were raining down on the shelves behind. Boom, Scrape, Boom, Boom!
The entrance to Frank’s is really tight, so the cane was coming perilously close to my head every time Bonnet swung back. Her shopping cart was blocking the path, so no one else’s cart could pass through. I froze, because I knew I couldn’t help or get past her. I was also completely fascinated. I just stood there, with my mouth open, as Bonnet destroyed the display. I tried to catch the eye of the cashiers on the other side, but they were too busy. After a minute or so of pastry carnage, two women came in the store. One of them realized the damage Bonnet was doing and offered her help.
Good Citizen: Let me help you. What are you looking for?
Bonnet: I want to see all of them. (She continued to whacking her cane at the shelf.)
Good Citizen: But what kind do you want?
Bonnet: I want to see all of them. (Screaming) I want you to bring every piece down and show it to me.
If you are wondering, I am still standing there with my mouth open. I hear the sliding door open behind me. A woman was standing just outside the door with a 6 month old on her hip. I looked back at her and nodded.
Me: Do you want to get by?
Baby Lady: (shrugs) I need a cart. There is nowhere to go.
Me: I’ll move over there.
I pointed to the area behind Bonnet’s cart.
Baby Lady:We’re ok.
Me: Well at least you will be able to get in the air conditioning. (It was a very humid day.)
I squeezed past Bonnet’s cart while she was busy with Good Citizen. The Lady and her baby took my spot.
Good Citizen: How about one of these?
(The good citizen brings down three)
Bonnet: No, no, no!
(The good citizen puts back the first three and brings three more down.)
Good Citizen: Ok, what about these?
Bonnet: No!!!!! (Screaming and banging her cane on the ground.) I want to see the ones in the back.
Good Citizen:Give me a break lady!
Bonnet: I want to see all of them!!!!!!!! (Still banging her cane on the ground.)
Good Citizen: You are a miserable, nasty lady. I am done. I’m DONE!
Good Citizen stormed past me and the two staff members who had just arrived to help. One of them was picking up the rubble from “Tornado Bonnet” and the other went around to help her get the right pastry. The baby lady had enough and stuck her baby in a cart. She tried to push it through the tiny opening between Bonnet’s cart and the fruit, but she couldn’t.
Staff Member: Ma’am, I am just going to roll your cart away for a minute.
Bonnet: You will not. I want it there. Leave it there!!! (Banging her cane on the ground again.)
Staff Member: Well we can just roll it right back.
Bonnet: Leave it! I want it right there.
While the staff member had Bonnet’s attention, I took the opportunity to move her cart back so Baby Lady could get through. Bonnet sensed her cart move just as Baby Lady was pulling through the newly freed space.
Bonnet: Don’t move my cart! I want it right there!!!
Me: Lady, I have been waiting here for fifteen minutes. I am going to go get a cart and push it through.
The second employee took Bonnet’s cart from me and kept it to the side, so I could get a cart. I passed Bonnet and moved quickly down the aisle, happy to get a little space between us. I ran into Good Citizen in the middle of the produce aisle. She turned around holding her face. I could tell she was exhausted from her encounter with Bonnet.
Good Citizen: That was awful.
Me: Yes, it was.
Good Citizen: She was so nasty.
Me: She is still yelling over there.
Good Citizen was standing directly in front of the limes. The limes were on the top shelf, out of my reach and the main reason I came to the store. I didn’t want to ask for help. I don’t really like to ask for help and Good Citizen had been through a lot. So, I stood there looking in the direction of the limes (like a weirdo) and then she asked.
Good Citizen: Do you need something.
Me: Yes, um could you grab two limes for me?
Good Citizen: Sure, how do you want them? Sort of hard but not too hard?
Me: Yes, that’s perfect.
She picked out two limes and then we walked down the aisle together. We got to the meat section and she turned to me.
Good Citizen: I used to see her in Gideon’s (The Kosher Bakery across the street).
Me: Oh…
Good Citizen: You know Gideon’s closed.
Me: Right
Good Citizen: That’s where she got her pastries.
Me: And she could see of all of them and point to which one she wanted.
Good Citizen: Yes
Suddenly, I started to feel bad for Bonnet. Her neighborhood is changing and she is too old to adjust. I am going to guess Bonnet was never the most reasonable individual, but the pastries are just a symbol of her frustration. It must be awful to feel like your world is gone and you are too tired to learn the new. You slowly lose your independence. All you want is the what you want, nothing extravagant, just the ability to choose. Gentrification is not just about money and race. It’s also about age.
Great one!!!! change is difficult for everyone but for those that feel the change is not only being forcibly thrust upon them but taking something away from them it is even more difficult!
Thank You! It’s a very difficult situation that New York as a city needs to address. We are constantly pushing people to their limits and for what?
Cara, I’m so glad I’m seeing your blogs again.
This brought tears to my eyes and I sense Bonnet’s frustration. So often, our senior citizens are invisible. I’m a “senior” now, and I can attest that we don’t feel old, even when we are confused, disgusted or ignored. When we take the time to stop and be in the moment, we can become sad, mad or frustrated, because we have arrived at a place where we never imagined we would be…not able to see what we used to be able to see, reach what we used to be able to reach.
Thank you so much. It’s true, I am seeing it more now that I live in an area with a large senior population. A lot of the new people ignore the seniors and it really grosses me out. I won’t tell you what one of my neighbors said to me about the old people in the building. I was shocked at the disrespect and prejudice. I used to hang out with the seniors in my old neighborhood. They have more stories to tell and generally have the answers. We don’t do a good job of including everyone in the discussion and we need to get better at it quickly.
What an empathetic response, Cara. I think a lot of people initially feel that frustration in situations like these, but your story is yet another reminder of how we should just extend a little compassion toward each other (while still acknowledging the crazy situations that frustrate us!).
Also, I am 100% with you on the weekday neighborhood exploration. Any day I don’t have to use MTA is infinitely better!
It’s really hard to get out of our cocoons here. We are so programmed to get moving, that sometimes we don’t see people in distress. We are all in survival mode.
I rarely leave my neighborhood, unless I have an appointment or an activity. Staying away from the MTA has made me a happier person.