I think it is pretty well established that I procrastinate my way through life. Some would even call me a Master at it. (See any of my past posts.) My friends Viking and Maya came to NYC last week. Viking actually stayed with me for part of the time. Most normal people would start preparing for guests at least the night before. Not me. Why, when you can run around like a crazed chicken? That sounds more like me.
Viking and Maya were due to arrive at my house last Tuesday afternoon. That morning, I woke up and realized my apartment smelled a little too much like me. Not bad, just not fresh. The dishes hadn’t been done fully for the last two days and dusting was two weeks overdue. Who am I kidding, I don’t dust. Dusting is futile in New York City. The minute you open the window, the black dust of hell comes and grips onto everything you own. Never the less, I had guests coming, so I had to pretend to be more domesticated than I am.
Unfortunately, Tuesday is also the day I wash my hair. Another thing, when I said I got up in the morning, morning is relative when you work for yourself. I get up between 11am and 12pm. That means I basically had two hours to wash my hair and clean my entire apartment. Procrastination death spiral!!!
In these dark times, you have to make choices for the greater good. I got into the shower, because greeting your friends smelling is never an option. I didn’t wash my hair, because that would take 45 minutes. I managed to get in and out of the shower in 20. I put on the jeans I had been wearing for the last four days and attacked the floors in the kitchen. I immediately realized sweeping wasn’t going to cut it. There were stains on the floor, that under low light blended into the woodwork, but under fluorescent light they became scarlet letters shining for everyone to see. Now I had to mop. I mopped that floor as quickly and vigorously as I could.
When the kitchen mopping was done, I took a towel with some furniture polish and ran around the living room dusting as many surfaces as I could. If anything was not directly under a light source, I didn’t take as much care. Instead of vacuuming, I picked up all the visible pieces of paper and dust bunnies off the rug. Then I mopped around the dining room table and between the chairs. Any visible piece of hardwood, I mopped. This was no time for moving furniture. I headed back to the kitchen and realized that my white cabinets, refrigerator and oven were stained, so I cleaned those very quickly. I cleaned the front half of the stove and put clean pots on the back burners. No one is gonna lift up pots.
The Bathroom!!!! There is no real way to skimp on cleaning a bathroom. You just have to do it. But, for times sake, I closed the shower curtain and decided to clean the tub before anyone needed a shower that night. Classic procrastination punt. I finished the bathroom with fifteen minutes to spare.
Unfortunately, I forgot the bedroom. I live with clothes on the floor. Laundry day is the cleanest day of the week in my bedroom. It’s the one day of the week, when I fold my clothes and put them away. As the week progresses, my clothes end up on the floor in piles. It is my way of keeping track of what I have already worn. Well, it was close to laundry day and my dresses, pants and shirts were all over the floor. I pile up all the wash and wears into a big ball and then all the dry cleaning into another ball and stuff them in the closet. I will deal with it later. Punt!
The front bell rang and another episode of procrastination junction is complete.
P.S. Go F*cking Vote! That is one thing this Procrastination Master/Nasty Woman doesn’t fool with and neither should you! There is more at stake than just the Presidency. Remember Congress hasn’t exactly been doing their job.
I’ve been trying to get things straight here at home before your holiday arrival, Cara. Perhaps that’s why I’m so tired. Love, Dad